The Case for a Funeral for the Living

 I suppose, it is harder, for those of us to grieve (if that even is an appropriate term) the loss of a human who is still alive. 

I hate to use such a morbid word, grief makes me think of death- but then I do believe, in a way, that the realization of abandonment, is far worse than death- and so then "grieve" seems the perfect word to use in this instance. 

When someone dies, the hope goes with them. They are permanently disposed from the earth, and we have no option but to accept and to mourn, to close the door, and to move on with our lives, or take up a nasty habit like smoking an excessive amount of cigarettes, or diving head first into a hobby that requires little talent and lots of binge drinking. When someone leaves us, we have the same options-granted- but the idea that the person is potentially still accessible to all but you, is painful. And there is no celebration of life nor relationship. There is no set date in which you can dress to mourn, cry all day, eat free food, and begin the mending process. Maybe there should be. Maybe we should start holding funerals to put to ease us jilted lovers, those who have discovered their inability to successfully complete a one night stand, the generally brokenhearted, the divorcees, the online serial daters, and the overly attached. 

Think. Maybe if we acted like they died, we wouldn't feel so sh**ty. 

Maybe if we hung up a picture of them, respected their memory, sang a sad song, dressed in black, and gave a eulogy, it would speed it all along. Maybe, if we recognized them for their positive attributes, and laid their memory to rest, our minds would find contentment. This is not a call to burry or cremate your ex, as it may lead to several potential issues such as lawsuits, life in prison, and a legitimate funeral of your own, but to remember them in full, and finalize the end. 

Releasing hope, is the hardest part of what young people like to call closure. And closure, I am here to tell you, is nothing but a facade, it is the desire, that if you can coax one last conversation out of the person who left you, that maybe they will come back and say they've made an awful mistake (they will not). 

"But I just need closure". 

 What is needed is the releasing of hope. 

How?

Well, again, I make a case for a funeral for the living. Funerals, in every since, are the admittance of death. The releasing of a hope that the person will live. They are the surrendering of potential, they are the most final of anything. So, of course, a funeral, will aid in the admittance of the end. If you cannot muster up a small ritual, in which you perhaps become familiar with the block, delete, and erase buttons, then might you just put the sentiments to sleep, make yourself some tea, and write a eulogy, then never think of them again. 

 

A Eulogy for the Living Example (print and read if you are too lazy to write your own, or feel an overwhelming pull to this specific piece): 

There was no one like you in this world 

who could cause so much distress

and inspire so much poetry and music and all things 

horrendously depressing 

you truly are one of a kind 

Thank you 

for reminding me 

that I am, still indeed 

very capable of feeling 

extreme bouts of anger and annoyance

And of course, must I not forget 

you

Because you, you introduced me to my therapist 

and A minor 

and art 

and pizza in the shower 

You enriched my life 

in many ways

you always lead with great skill 

like how to lie your way into someone's pants

and how to get your point across

without any form of communication 

what a talent. 

what a loss. 

many tears were shed, happy ones. 

May you Rest In Peace, for real.