if i sleep

 if i sleep.

if i sleep 

i will have killed you 

if i shut my eyes 

i will miss your final breath 

there is no time for me 

no time 

no time 

no time 

i will stay awake forever

for you 

my darling 

how awful would it be

to have stayed awake 

all this while

and then here, at the very end 

to sleep 

and miss your final breath 

i did not fight so hard

(although you were at the front of it all) 

to not witness 

peace 

sleep. 

you are gone 

finally 

i feel terrible that i feel happy

finally 

i feel happy 

because today 

was the first day 

i slept